I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
