he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
