If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
