You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
