So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
