Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
