I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
