Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
