my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
