if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
