Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
