I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
