I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize