ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
