capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
