There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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