I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
