the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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