Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
