If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
