It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize