I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
