So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
she looked like the before picture.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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