and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
