I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
