I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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