Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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