he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize