I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
