the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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