Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
