Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
