I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
