He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
