I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
