how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
