I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
