btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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