You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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