the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
