im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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