He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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