She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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