What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
