oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I AM VODKA MAN
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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