Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
