They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
