It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Drunk is a universal language darling
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
