Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
