just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
