i wish my penis had a tongue
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
