He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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