You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
