Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
