you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
