whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
