Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
