From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
