The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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