I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
