i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize