I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
how does that bad decision feel?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
