I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
