woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
