I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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