Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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