this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
