Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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