Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
