He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
