im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
