just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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