Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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