the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
God, I missed his penis.
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