best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
