The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
there is glitter all over my balls
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
