He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
My penis needs a shock collar
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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