I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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